Blondes Have Way Too Much Fun

(Too many jokes to fit on two pages!)

Home (you know...where all your stuff is!)

That's life

New!!!:

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.

Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. "No way," the blonde exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday!"

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A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. You rotten bastard, "says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids"
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A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
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Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
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A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
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A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
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What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
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Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

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SHE WAS SO BLONDE THAT SHE ...

1. Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.

2. Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

3. Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter.

4. Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years".

5. Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.

6. Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

7. When asked what the capital of California was, answered "C."

8. Burnt her nose bobbing for french fries.

9. Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

10. Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.

11. Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel.

12. Got hurt while raking leaves; fell out of the tree.

13. Changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said "good up to 20 pounds."

14. After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

15. What goes "vroom-screech-vroom-screech', etc? A blonde at a flashing red light.

16. Two blondes are trying to get into their car using a coat hanger then one says, "Hurry, it's starting to rain and the top is down.

This page last edited July 3, 2000