|
|
That's life
A medical student was in
the morgue one day after classes, getting a little practice in before the final
exams.
Top 20 Country Western Song Titles 2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer 3. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles 4. If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me 5. You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly 6. She Got the Ring and I Got the Finger 7. Please Bypass This Heart 8. My Wife Ran Off with My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him 9. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don't Love You 10. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now 11. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two on You 12. I've Got Tears in my Ears from Lyin' on my Back and Cryin' Over You 13. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here 14. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight 15. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better 16. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well 17. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You 18. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself or Go Bowling 19. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away? 20. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You
Goodbye " How do you get a bass player off your front porch? - Pay him for the pizza " "What do you call a drummer with out a girlfriend ?? HOMELESS" "What do you call a guy who hangs out with Musicians ?? A Drummer" "How many Guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb ?? One to climb up the ladder and screw in the light bulb, and nine to say - ' He's not that good ... ' " " Q: What do you call an elephant made of metal? A: Heavy Metal! " " Q: What do you get when you cross a musician with a turtle? A: Slow Rock! " "Q: You're lost in the woods late at night when you see the Easter bunny, an out-of-tune French horn player and a in-tune French horn player. Who do you ask for directions? A: The out-of-tune French horn player-- the other two are just figments of your imagination." "Q: What does it mean when your guitarist is drooling from both sides of his mouth? A: The stage is level. " ------------------------------------------- One day, a bunch of little kids passed by a grave of Beethoven (I don't know how to spell his name.) Suddenly, loud music started to come from the ground, underneath the tombstone. They noticed that the music was Beethoven's 9th symphony-backwards! They ran home and told their dad. He went with then to the cemetery but this time the music was Beethoven's 1st. It was still backwards. "What's going on?" the children asked. "He's de-composing" the father simply said. ------------------------------------------- How do you know, that a drummer knock's on your Door? The knocking get faster! - How do you call a person that hangs around with musicians? Bass player! - What have a Keyboard player and a Rubber together? It's safer with, but it's make more fun without! What do you get when you cross a banjo with a chainsaw? a chainsaw with no dynamic range! How do you get two French Horn players to play in tune?? Shoot one of them - How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? 15 one to hold the light bulb and 14 to drink 'til the room spins. What do you call a Crack head with stretched out dear skin in front of him---------a drummer Question: What's the range of a Gibson Les Paul? Punch line: Depends on how far you throw it! Q: Why did God make rock n' roll? A: So ugly guys could get laid. Q: Why do bassists have a set of drumsticks on their dashboard? A: So they can park in the handicapped spaces Q: What does a drummer use for contraception A: Personality Two drummers walk into a bar - which is funny, cos you would have thought the second one would have seen the first one do it. Q. what is the least common question asked in the English language? A. Is that the banjo players Porsche?What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bass guitar? - You can tune a lawnmower. how many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. 10, one to do it and the other nine to say how Stu Hamm would do it. what do you get when you cross 10song writers and 20 studio musicians? The back street boys ! - ------------------------------------------- - Why Guitars Are Better Than Women 1. A guitar has a volume knob 2. If you break a guitar's G-string, it only costs $.79 for a new one 3. You can make a guitar scream as loud as you want it to 4. You can unplug a guitar 5. Other people can play your guitar without it getting upset 6. You can have a guitar any color you want and no one will care 7. You can make your guitar as tight as you want it just by turning a peg. 8. If your guitar doesn't make sounds you like, you can return it 9. You can use four fingers at a time on a guitar 10. If your guitar strings are too heavy, you can just get a lighter set 11. You can have a guitar professionally adjusted to *your* liking 12. If you scratch a guitar's back, it's unintentional, not required 13. You can go to a guitar shop and play all the guitars you want for free 14. It's good to have a guitar that's stretched out. 15. You can take lessons on how to play a guitar without feeling embarrassed. 16. You can rent a guitar without worrying about who rented it before you. 17. You can play the guitar with your bare fingers and no protective covering. 18. You can get rich playing a guitar, not broke. 19. A guitar doesn't take half of everything you own when you sell it. -------------------------------------------What do you call a good Bass Player? - You DON'T ! ------------------------------------------- Sam dies and goes to guitar heaven. He is given a nice room to live in and is told that many of the greatest musicians that ever lived are here. Hendrix, Joplin, Morrison and a whole lot more. "Is Yngwie Malmsteen here?" he asked. "Hush. It is not good to talk of him here." So he goes to his room and goes crazy when he sees his room full of guitars and stacks. That night, he goes out, parties with all the musicians and comes back blown out of his mind. The next day, he is sitting in his room when he hears a passage being played on the guitar. He runs out shouting "That's Yngwie, that's Yngwie. Where is he? I want to meet him." "I told you before, we do not talk of him here. All I can say is that he is in another place." "But.. " "Shhh. Now go back to your room and forget Yngwie." After a few days, Sam is walking around when once again he hears unmistakable Yngwie. "This has gone far enough. I know that Yngwie is here and I demand to see him." "Well, if you really want to know." said the angel. "You hear that guitar being played. That's God. He thinks he's Yngwie." ------------------------------------------- A man is walking around the streets of New York one day
when he spies an old friend of his from college. Best of the Worst Country Music Titles: - "If You See
Me Gettin' Smaller, It's Cause I'm Leavin' You"
|